We are Claudia and Ben. We live in Wadhurst, East Sussex, with our rescue dog Luna and our baby girl Sienna who was born in June. We became parents via surrogacy. We attended the Tunbridge Wells course in June.
Our situation is slightly unusual as we became parents through surrogacy. Claudia had cervical cancer in her 20s, but we were thankfully able to have IVF before her treatment and stored frozen embryos. Our daughter was born an incredible 14 years later via our amazing friend who acted as our surrogate. We were very nervous about attending the HPHB course initially due to us being a bit different… but everyone was so friendly and Hannah the midwife was so kind and inclusive. We learnt loads of useful information, particularly on how to be helpful birth partners to our surrogate during the birth, plus the first aid and practical baby care sections were of particular interest for us. We are so glad we took the course.
In hospital – it was what we wanted, a controlled environment with medical professionals on hand.
The birth of our daughter was a night we’ll never forget! We had prepared a birth plan with our midwives beforehand, and being a surrogate pregnancy there were lots of additional admin and paperwork to complete to ensure that the hospital was prepared for our situation and that we were allowed into the birthing room with our surrogate and her husband. The lead up to the birth was quite stressful as our baby was breech until very late (38 weeks) and we tried an ECV but it wasn’t successful. Thankfully though she turned at the very last minute and the birth itself thankfully followed our birth plan almost to the letter – our surrogate was induced at 39 weeks + 2 days pregnant and our daughter was born 12 hours later.
Our friend was incredible, she was so strong and brave throughout the entire labour – she had pre-warned us that she had given birth to her own children very quickly – and she followed suit with our daughter. Two pushes and she flew out! The midwife hadn’t even had time to put her gloves on! Claudia was right by her side and baby Sienna was handed straight to her for skin to skin. It was incredible. Being two birth partners, it was quite a complex (and crowded!) situation alongside our friend’s husband who was also there to support her, but we all coped and the hospital staff were fantastic at keeping us all in the loop and we never felt sidelined.
Breathing and gas and air – probably only 2/5 effective but our daughter was born so quickly that there wasn’t time for an epidural in the end!
Total shock and awe, plus unbelievable happiness that our dream had finally come true. We were in awe at how beautiful (and loud!) she was!
It was a whirlwind but we were glad we had been prepared for that first nappy!! Just simple things like nappy changes, dressing her and safe sleep information was so useful from the course in those first few days.
In our case, our resilience in fighting for so many years to try and become parents. Surrogacy is a very complex and difficult process, and there isn’t a lot publicised or known about it until you start. We are so proud that as a couple, we were strong enough to get through such difficult times where we thought we would never meet the right person to carry our baby or have our happy ending. Our friendship as a team is also a triumph for us – we are so lucky we met our surrogate and her family, who are now some of our closest friends. We have been through so much together as a team, but we are delighted that our daughter will grow up with them in her life as our friends and who will celebrate her milestones with us.
Surrogacy as a whole is complex and not much is known about it before you embark on the process. Meeting the right person and putting your trust in each other is an initial challenge.
Bringing our daughter home and introducing her to our families – she is the first grandchild on both sides and our families weren’t sure they were ever going to become grandparents or aunties. It was such a special moment, one we had dreamed of.
How tough the first few weeks would be! But the moment our daughter started smiling, it made all the sleepless nights and constant contact naps worthwhile!
Having people to talk to in those early days when everything is brand new and you’re looking after this tiny person! Coffee dates with HPHB friends on maternity leave was a great way to share stories and tips.
Snacks, definitely! Earplugs, headphones and an iPad with a few favourite shows downloaded.
Sushi for our surrogate who had been craving it!
Just clothes for baby, it’s unbelievable how many you get through when they’re being sick/pooping constantly!
Baby play mat, Nuby water cooler as well.
Phases will pass! It feels like you’ll never be able to put down your baby, or that they’ll always hate their bassinet – but you will get past it.
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