Grace’s Breastfeeding Story.

Before I started, I knew breastfeeding wouldn’t be straightforward but I knew it was something I wanted to do. I was very apprehensive, though, as none of my friends had breastfed either through choice or because it had “gone wrong” for them, and neither my mother or grandmother had breastfed either. I kind of just thought ok it would be nice if I could do this but I won’t beat myself up about it if I can’t because so many women don’t.

To prepare for breastfeeding, I bought Dr Amy Brown’s book ‘The Positive Breastfeeding Book’ and read it from cover to cover as that’s how I deal with most things!

I also found the session with Jasmine as part of my HPHB antenatal course extremely helpful. She said not to buy bottles etc before baby because it’s setting your brain up to accept failure which really resonated with me, particularly as I had already bought bottles “just in case”! Reading up about it was great - I knew what a correct latch looked like, for example - but nothing was going to prepare me for what it was actually like.

As soon as I delivered Axel I was keen to get him latched on. You can hear in our first video, I do not stop banging on about giving him some milk. The midwives ended up latching him on for me and I spent the night in hospital to help get us off to a good start with feeding. The midwives and HCAs were amazing - any time of the night they were there to help me with the latch and to answer any questions I had. They helped me hand express some colostrum and showed me how to do it myself. When I left the hospital I felt like I was ready to go and that we’d be fine going forward. That really was not the case!

Axel was born 9lbs 6oz so was a big baby. On day 3 he was a bit jittery so my midwife sent me to the paediatric unit to get him checked out. They weighed him to find he had lost 11% of his birth weight. Looking back, they shouldn’t have weighed him so early but they were going through the motions of preliminary checks.

Ironically they said the jittering wasn’t a concern but because 11% weight loss is a red flag for them they said I needed to pump top ups and get his weight back up again. My milk hadn’t come in yet and, textbook day 3 hormone plummet, I was an emotional wreck anyway. I spent the next two hours on an electric pump, which was far too long, and the pressure was put on me to give him formula top ups. There was no way I was going to be able to express the 90mls required as I was in such a state mentally. We were admitted and he was given 90ml top ups every 3 hours, most of which he brought back up. We were discharged the next day because he’d put that weight back on, but the midwives and health visitors were keen I continued the top ups. I was getting worried now that this was going to affect my supply. I was trying to express but found that very stressful after our experience in hospital.

I asked Jasmine for help as a lactation consultant and she was amazing - we came up with a plan together for breast compressions and a feeding diary so I could show the midwives how much he was feeding and how little of the top ups he actually needed. He was either bringing it back up or not interested after he’d had a full feed from me (because surprise surprise my milk had come in!). After a few days we were back to birth weight without the need for the top ups. That was week 1!

This is a long story but I want to illustrate that, with support, I was able to keep breastfeeding without the need for supplementation. After that we had some concerns with a possible tongue tie, which didn’t need surgery but involved latch adjustments. I got a blister at one point, which involved feeding a lot on one side and walking around the house with my boobs out so they could heal (very liberating!). At one point, my let down was a bit fast and he had problems with that. It felt quite a few times like we’d got there only for something else to go wrong. But the breastfeeding helpline and other trained mother supporters were always on the other end of the phone ready to help when I needed it.

I was quite upset with how his weight loss had been dealt with by the hospital and from subsequent home visits - at one point I was told by a nurse not to feed responsively which is completely inaccurate - not everyone is fully trained for breastfeeding support in these roles, unfortunately. I know their primary concern is to ensure baby is healthy but I think there is an over reliance on formula as an “easy fix” rather than supporting the mother to continue breastfeeding. That’s why it’s so important to contact people like the breastfeeding helpline and to stick to your guns if you feel like you’re being given the wrong advice.

I really recommend the ABM’s course ‘Team Baby: getting ready to breastfeed’ which is free at the moment and a great way to prepare you and your partner for breastfeeding. Also, if you google anything, make sure you’re reading answers from La Leche League, ABM, BfN or Kelly Mom as they’re all reputable breastfeeding sources. There are others but those are the main ones.

I follow quite a few IBCLCs on Instagram but obviously Jasmine @littlelatchers has been an incredible help. There are tons of breastfeeding consultants and mother supporters giving free support and signposting out there. Libby at @themilkhub is one of them. She was always available to help! Breastfeeding is a bit of a rollercoaster, emotionally. Cluster feeding, whilst completely normal, can really take it out of you physically and emotionally. I think it took me to the limits of what I thought I was capable of!

I had to really readjust my expectations about infant sleep and feeding - being up multiple times is the biological norm! But on the other side of it, it’s beautiful, it’s calm, it’s relaxing. There is nothing better than looking down at your baby and knowing that you are giving them everything they need. It’s their comfort as well as their nourishment, and you’re protecting them from diseases and illnesses too. I’ve loved our little bubble even now we’ve started solid foods. I still feel this incredible bond when we sit together and feed. It’s become one of life’s great pleasures for me, definitely.

There are so many benefits to breastfeeding I couldn’t possibly name them all here. The first couple of months were really hard but I do not in any way regret persevering and pushing through. Even in those early weeks there were still plenty of wonderful moments when it was just me and him feeding together and loving each other’s company (even with the sore nipples!). The best bit was when he first reached up and stroked my face during a feed.

Now we’re on 7 months and counting, and it is only good days, and I count it as one of my biggest achievements. I never thought I’d get this far but I can’t imagine stopping any time soon.

My ‘pearls of wisdom’... There is so much support out there if you know where to look, a lot of it is free as well! Breastfeeding support groups are doing online sessions at the moment too. Do not let anyone tell you that responding to your baby’s needs is wrong. You are not making a rod for your own back. It is totally normal for your baby to be up multiple times a night (yes even when they’re a year old!). If you’re at your wits end at 3am, remember that your baby is going exactly what they’re built to do and the night feeds are actually improving your supply. Don’t buy bottles, sterilisers or formula before baby comes - they’re not hard to get hold of if you find you need them. Don’t be nervous about going out and breastfeeding - I’ve had my boob fully out in so many places now and no one has so much as batted an eyelid! Finally, keep at it as it really is a wonderful thing to be able to do with your baby.